read this on facebook today and again it's true how people are always saying "you only learn how to live when you know you are dying." i'm sure many of us who read this can totally relate to it (maybe not in the medical part), how our society changed the way we think and make us to become who we are today. i just had this debate with mum earlier.
"Don’t let society tell you how to live. Don’t let the
media tell you what you're supposed to do. Those things happened to me.
And I led this life thinking that these are going to bring me
happiness. I hope that you will think about it and decide for yourself
how you want to live your own life."
from young we are always told that you need to earn a lot of money to be successful and happy. you need to study hard and strive to be a lawyer/ doctor!(no special reason why lawyer or doctor i guess at my time that's the most glamorous job? haha) and i briefly remember a conversation with my aunt few months back, one of her friend's daughter is intending to apply for nursing course but her mum forbid her to go for that as she thinks that it's a lowly paid job. seriously if everyone think the same way as her, than who is going to look after you when you are sick? and who are the one helping the doctor when they are doing their job? be it glamorous or unglamorous every job is important and plays a big part in the society. imagine if the cleaners are not there keeping our road clean, what kind of environment will we be living in? without them, can we still be a clean and green country?
i always feel that money is not everything but yes i agree we do need money to survive. anyway it's sad if your happiness level depends on how much money you have in your bank. i read this article about a 70yo man earning 2k per month, supporting his 5 grown up down syndrome kids and he said that he is financially stable. i seriously salute him. i'm sure many of us are finding it hard to survive on 2k even though we do not have any commitment like him. and i'm one of them. i guess at the end of the day is back to being contented with what you have.
a reminder to myself to educate my future children differently.....
a long but thought provoking transcript. read it.
Below is the transcript of the talk of Dr.
Richard Teo, who is a 40-year-old millionaire and cosmetic surgeon with a
stage-4 lung cancer but selflessly
came to share with the D1 class his life experience on 19-Jan-2012.
Hi good morning to
all
of you. My voice is a bit hoarse, so please bear with me. I thought
I'll just introduce myself. My name is Richard, I'm a medical doctor.
And I thought I'll just share some thoughts of my life. It's my pleasure
to be invited by prof. Hopefully, it can get you thinking about how...
as you pursue this.. embarking on your training to become dental
surgeons, to think about other things as well.
Since young, I
am a typical product of today's society. Relatively successful product
that society requires.. From young, I came from a below average family. I
was told by the media... and people around me that happiness is about
success. And that success is about being wealthy. With this mind-set,
I've always be extremely competitive, since I was young.
Not
only do I need to go to the top school, I need to have success in all
fields. Uniform groups, track, everything. I needed to get trophies,
needed to be successful, I needed to have colours award, national
colours award, everything. So I was highly competitive since young. I
went on to medical school, graduated as a doctor. Some of you may know
that within the medical faculty, ophthalmology is one of the most highly
sought after specialities. So I went after that as well. I was given a
traineeship in ophthalmology, I was also given a research scholarship by
NUS to develop lasers to treat the eye.
So in the process, I
was given 2 patents, one for the medical devices, and another for the
lasers. And you know what, all this academic achievements did not bring
me any wealth. So once I completed my bond with MOH, I decided that this
is taking too long, the training in eye surgery is just taking too
long. And there's lots of money to be made in the private sector. If
you're aware, in the last few years, there is this rise in aesthetic
medicine. Tons of money to be made there. So I decided, well, enough of
staying in institution, it's time to leave. So I quit my training
halfway and I went on to set up my aesthetic clinic... in town, together
with a day surgery centre.
You know the irony is that people
do not make heroes out average GP (general practitioner), family
physicians. They don't. They make heroes out of people who are rich and
famous. People who are not happy to pay $20 to see a GP, the same person
have no qualms paying ten thousand dollars for a liposuction, 15
thousand dollars for a breast augmentation, and so on and so forth. So
it's a no brainer isn't? Why do you want to be a gp? Become an aesthetic
physician. So instead of healing the sick and ill, I decided that I'll
become a glorified beautician. So, business was good, very good. It
started off with waiting of one week, then became 3weeks, then one
month, then 2 months, then 3 months. I was overwhelmed; there were just
too many patients. Vanities are fantastic business. I employed one
doctor, the second doctor, the 3rd doctor, the 4th doctor. And within
the 1st year, we're already raking in millions. Just the 1st year. But
never is enough because I was so obsessed with it. I started to expand
into Indonesia to get all the rich Indonesian tai-tais who wouldn't
blink an eye to have a procedure done. So life was really good.
So what do I do with the spare cash. How do I spend my weekends?
Typically, I'll have car club gatherings. I take out my track car, with
spare cash I got myself a track car. We have car club gatherings. We'll
go up to Sepang in Malaysia. We'll go for car racing. And it was my
life. With other spare cash, what do i do? I get myself a Ferrari. At
that time, the 458 wasn't out, it's just a spider convertible, 430. This
is a friend of mine, a schoolmate who is a forex trader, a banker. So
he got a red one, he was wanting all along a red one, I was getting the
silver one.
So what do I do after getting a car? It's time to
buy a house, to build our own bungalows. So we go around looking for a
land to build our own bungalows, we went around hunting. So how do i
live my life? Well, we all think we have to mix around with the rich and
famous. This is one of the Miss Universe. So we hang around with the
beautiful, rich and famous. This by the way is an internet founder. So
this is how we spend our lives, with dining and all the restaurants and
Michelin Chefs you know.
So I reach a point in life that I got
everything for my life. I was at the pinnacle of my career and all.
That's me one year ago in the gym and I thought I was like, having
everything under control and reaching the pinnacle.
Well, I was
wrong. I didn't have everything under control. About last year March, I
started to develop backache in the middle of nowhere. I thought maybe
it was all the heavy squats I was doing. So I went to SGH, saw my
classmate to do an MRI, to make sure it's not a slipped disc or
anything. And that evening, he called me up and said that we found bone
marrow replacement in your spine. I said, sorry what does that mean? I
mean I know what it means, but I couldn't accept that. I was like “Are
you serious?” I was still running around going to the gym you know. But
we had more scans the next day, PET scans - positrons emission scans,
they found that actually I have stage 4 terminal lung cancer. I was like
"Whoa where did that come from?” It has already spread to the brain,
the spine, the liver and the adrenals. And you know one moment I was
there, totally thinking that I have everything under control, thinking
that I've reached the pinnacle of my life. But the next moment, I have
just lost it.
This is a CT scan of the lungs itself. If you
look at it, every single dot there is a tumour. We call this miliaries
tumour. And in fact, I have tens of thousands of them in the lungs. So, I
was told that even with chemotherapy, that I'll have about 3-4months at
most. Did my life come crushing on, of course it did, who wouldn't? I
went into depression, of course, severe depression and I thought I had
everything.
See the irony is that all these things that I
have, the success, the trophies, my cars, my house and all. I thought
that brought me happiness. But i was feeling really down, having severe
depression. Having all these thoughts of my possessions, they brought me
no joy. The thought of... You know, I can hug my Ferrari to sleep,
no... No, it is not going to happen. It brought not a single comfort
during my last ten months. And I thought they were, but they were not
true happiness. But it wasn't. What really brought me joy in the last
ten months was interaction with people, my loved ones, friends, people
who genuinely care about me, they laugh and cry with me, and they are
able to identify the pain and suffering I was going through. That
brought joy to me, happiness. None of the things I have, all the
possessions, and I thought those were supposed to bring me happiness.
But it didn't, because if it did, I would have felt happy think about
it, when I was feeling most down..
You know the classical
Chinese New Year that is coming up. In the past, what do I do? Well, I
will usually drive my flashy car to do my rounds, visit my relatives, to
show it off to my friends. And I thought that was joy, you know. I
thought that was really joy. But do you really think that my relatives
and friends, whom some of them have difficulty trying to make ends meet,
that will truly share the joy with me? Seeing me driving my flashy car
and showing off to them? No, no way. They won’t be sharing joy with me.
They were having problems trying to make ends meet, taking public
transport. In fact i think, what I have done is more like you know,
making them envious, jealous of all I have. In fact, sometimes even
hatred.
Those are what we call objects of envy. I have them, I
show them off to them and I feel it can fill my own pride and ego. That
didn't bring any joy to these people, to my friends and relatives, and I
thought they were real joy.
Well, let me just share another
story with you. You know when I was about your age, I stayed in king
Edward VII hall. I had this friend whom I thought was strange. Her name
is Jennifer, we're still good friends. And as I walk along the path, she
would, if she sees a snail, she would actually pick up the snail and
put it along the grass patch. I was like why do you need to do that? Why
dirty your hands? It’s just a snail. The truth is she could feel for
the snail. The thought of being crushed to death is real to her, but to
me it's just a snail. If you can't get out of the pathway of humans then
you deserve to be crushed, it’s part of evolution isn't it? What an
irony isn't it?
There I was being trained as a doctor, to be
compassionate, to be able to empathise; but I couldn't. As a house
officer, I graduated from medical school, posted to the oncology
department at NUH. And, every day, every other day I witness death in
the cancer department. When I see how they suffered, I see all the pain
they went through. I see all the morphine they have to press every few
minutes just to relieve their pain. I see them struggling with their
oxygen breathing their last breath and all. But it was just a job. When I
went to clinic every day, to the wards every day, take blood, give the
medication but was the patient real to me? They weren't real to me. It
was just a job, I do it, I get out of the ward, I can't wait to get
home, I do my own stuff.
Was the pain, was the suffering the
patients went through real? No. Of course I know all the medical terms
to describe how they feel, all the suffering they went through. But in
truth, I did not know how they feel, not until I became a patient. It is
until now; I truly understand how they feel. And, if you ask me, would I
have been a very different doctor if I were to re-live my life now, I
can tell you yes I will. Because I truly understand how the patients
feel now. And sometimes, you have to learn it the hard way.
Even as you start just your first year, and you embark this journey to
become dental surgeons, let me just challenge you on two fronts.
Inevitably, all of you here will start to go into private practice. You
will start to accumulate wealth. I can guarantee you. Just doing an
implant can bring you thousands of dollars, it's fantastic money. And
actually there is nothing wrong with being successful, with being rich
or wealthy, absolutely nothing wrong. The only trouble is that a lot of
us like myself couldn't handle it.
Why do I say that? Because
when I start to accumulate, the more I have, the more I want. The more I
wanted, the more obsessed I became. Like what I showed you earlier on,
all I can was basically to get more possessions, to reach the pinnacle
of what society did to us, of what society wants us to be. I became so
obsessed that nothing else really mattered to me. Patients were just a
source of income, and I tried to squeeze every single cent out of these
patients.
A lot of times we forget, whom we are supposed to be
serving. We become so lost that we serve nobody else but just
ourselves. That was what happened to me. Whether it is in the medical,
the dental fraternity, I can tell you, right now in the private
practice, sometimes we just advise patients on treatment that is not
indicated. Grey areas. And even though it is not necessary, we kind of
advocate it. Even at this point, I know who are my friends and who
genuinely cared for me and who are the ones who try to make money out of
me by selling me "hope". We kind of lose our moral compass along the
way. Because we just want to make money.
Worse, I can tell
you, over the last few years, we bad mouth our fellow colleagues, our
fellow competitors in the industry. We have no qualms about it. So if we
can put them down to give ourselves an advantage, we do it. And that's
what happening right now, medical, dental everywhere. My challenge to
you is not to lose that moral compass. I learnt it the hard way, I hope
you don't ever have to do it.
Secondly, a lot of us will start
to get numb to our patients as we start to practise. Whether is it
government hospitals, private practice, I can tell you when I was in the
hospital, with stacks of patient folders, I can't wait to get rid of
those folders as soon as possible; I can't wait to get patients out of
my consultation room as soon as possible because there is just so many,
and that's a reality. Because it becomes a job, a very routine job. And
this is just part of it. Do I truly know how the patient feels back
then? No, I don't. The fears and anxiety and all, do I truly understand
what they are going through? I don't, not until when this happens to me
and I think that is one of the biggest flaws in our system.
We’re being trained to be healthcare providers, professional, and all
and yet we don't know how exactly they feel. I'm not asking you to get
involved emotionally, I don't think that is professional but do we
actually make a real effort to understand their pain and all? Most of us
won’t, alright, I can assure you. So don't lose it, my challenge to you
is to always be able to put yourself in your patient's shoes.
Because the pain, the anxiety, the fear are very real even though it's
not real to you, it's real to them. So don't lose it and you know, right
now I'm in the midst of my 5th cycle of my chemotherapy. I can tell you
it’s a terrible feeling. Chemotherapy is one of those things that you
don't wish even your enemies to go through because it's just suffering,
lousy feeling, throwing out, you don't even know if you can retain your
meals or not. Terrible feeling! And even with whatever little energy now
I have, I try to reach out to other cancer patients because I truly
understand what pain and suffering is like. But it's kind of little too
late and too little.
You guys have a bright future ahead of you
with all the resource and energy, so I’m going to challenge you to go
beyond your immediate patients. To understand that there are people out
there who are truly in pain, truly in hardship. Don’t get the idea that
only poor people suffer. It is not true. A lot of these poor people do
not have much in the first place, they are easily contented. for all you
know they are happier than you and me but there are out there, people
who are suffering mentally, physically, hardship, emotionally,
financially and so on and so forth, and they are real. We choose to
ignore them or we just don't want to know that they exist.
So
do think about it alright, even as you go on to become professionals and
dental surgeons and all. That you can reach out to these people who are
in need. Whatever you do can make a large difference to them. I'm now
at the receiving end so I know how it feels, someone who genuinely care
for you, encourage and all. It makes a lot of difference to me. That’s
what happens after treatment. I had a treatment recently, but I’ll leave
this for another day. A lot of things happened along the way, that's
why I am still able to talk to you today.
I'll just end of
with this quote here, it's from this book called Tuesdays with Morris,
and some of you may have read it. Everyone knows that they are going to
die; every one of us knows that. The truth is, none of us believe it
because if we did, we will do things differently. When I faced death,
when I had to, I stripped myself off all stuff totally and I focused
only on what is essential. The irony is that a lot of times, only when
we learn how to die then we learn how to live. I know it sounds very
morbid for this morning but it's the truth, this is what I’m going
through.
Don’t let society tell you how to live. Don’t let the
media tell you what you're supposed to do. Those things happened to me.
And I led this life thinking that these are going to bring me
happiness. I hope that you will think about it and decide for yourself
how you want to live your own life. Not according to what other people
tell you to do, and you have to decide whether you want to serve
yourself, whether you are going to make a difference in somebody else's
life. Because true happiness doesn't come from serving yourself. I
thought it was but it didn't turn out that way. With that I thank you,
if you have any questions you have for me, please feel free. Thank you.
