My brother

Since young I always envious those people who had a very close and good relationship with their siblings. I always dream of having a brother who would protect me, stand by me, and dote on me and someone whom I can share all my little secrets and stories with. A brother who would actually loves me like his own. I do have an older brother but we never once shared a secret, we never once ever sit down and had a heart to heart chat.

Those memories keep flashing through my mind as I recalled how I used to stretched out my arms and protect him from getting cane by mum when we were young, how he used to fetch me back home from school, the way he hold my hands and lead me across the road when we were young as times goes by, as we grow older, we started to quarrel more, fights were of course inevitable. I really hate it when he shouts at me as and when he feels like it. It had been a long time since we really sit down and had a good chat. Or was it never? When would we actually start to appreciate and love each other? I really tried to talk nicely to him, but sometimes I would just get fed up and said a lot of ridiculous stuff in a moment of anger that hurt my mum as well.

There really a lot of stuff that I want to talk to you about. From the moment when I heard something actually happen to you, I broke down immediately. You can never imagine the time when everyone cried over you, how grandma and mum blame themselves for always giving in to you and caused you to make such a silly mistake. Dad kept quiet but I know how hurt he felt. Have you ever spare a thought for mum and dad when you did all those stuff? Go ahead and smoke for all you want, but do you know how upset mum was when she found out that you smoke? Those nights you were out and back till the next morning, mum never slept well. Every hour, she would wake up gives you a call and check what time you would be back. When you fail to answer her call her thoughts would start to wonder about praying hard that you would be back soon, safe and sound. You would never know how peacefully mum slept when she does know that you’re home. She actually told me this “Finally I can sleep well tonight!”

Whenever something happen to you, everyone would blame mum. Have you ever spare a thought for her? How she felt? Have you ever stand in her shoe and think? Sometimes I really feel like screaming at you because you never seem to notice all this. All you seems to care about are those endless fun you’re having and nothing else. I thought of writing to you but somehow I just lack the courage. I don’t know what I’m afraid of. Cause I know in your eyes I’m just your ignorant sister, an irritating sister who would pick up a fight with you for no reasons, a sister whose job is to help you out as some smoke-screen, a sister who don’t seems to care about anything that happen in the family?

It may seem to you that I really hate you but you would never know how much I actually cared about you. How much I long to sit down and had a heart to heart chat with you, how much I long to go out shopping with you, how much I missed those days of fun and laughter we had when we were young, how much I long to share a secret with you, how much I long to gang up with you and play a prank on mum and dad, how much I long to plan a big surprise for mum and dad together with you.

There's endless of stuff that I long to do with you but when would all this actually happen? When are we ever going to start cherishing the presence of each other? Are we going to live in regrets for the rest of our life? Are we going to start cherishing one another only after the death of either me or you?

I’m really waiting for that day to come when you would actually shower me with gifts and love me like what a brother would to his sister. But no matter what I would still love and respect you as my most beloved brother. I may not show it out but deep in my heart you’re always being respect by me. I promise.