grandma dearest

i was looking through those photos we took with grandma dearest on chinese new year and it bought tears to my eyes. we demanded to take pictures with her which she strongly refused as she complained about her untidy hair. (hahah! that's her!) but somehow we managed to convince her or rather i manage to force her (by holding down her arms!! hehehe) that she looks pretty and her hair is just fine. she was all smiley and cheerful when taking the pictures with us. but now she is lying in the hospital unconscious.. fighting for her life. i hate to say this but i dont like the idea of spending my next cny without her.. because it's never going to be the same.

grandma dearest with her other grandchildren

grandma dearest with part of her daughters


everyone hate to see her leave but will it bring more suffering to her if she continues in this way? i dont know. but one thing for sure.. we are not ready to lose her yet.

how i wish it's all nothing but a bad bad dream...

i haven't been a very filial granddaughter to her yet. lesser trips were made to her house as we grew older. from a weekly visit i ended up visiting her once a month and sometimes once a few months..

and yes i regret not spending more time with her. and yet again.. sometimes you need to lose before you know how to cherish. (fret not i havent lose her yet! she will be fine) i remember her always asking me to eat whenever i visit her. always making it a point to cook my favourite cabbage (that's my favourite dish cooked by her and i will do anything to eat it again.) whenever i'm there. that's her.. always worried about us.. remembering our likes and dislikes... she is an angel to us all. :)

grandma dearest,

doctor told us that you might not make it past today. but you did it and manage to prove him wrong!! (although we almost lost you.. but you did it in the end with your determination! :)well done!!) so miracles do happen after all. and being the stubborn you.. i'm sure it will happen to you tooo.

i know you are tired... and i will let you rest a little bit more.. but you must remember and promise to wake up when it's time too. because we are all waiting for you. your children, grandchildren and great grandchildren... everyone of us.

with love,
your dearest granddaughter. :)

:)

taken on CNY 2010 with grandma dearest.


我知道你累了。。在让你睡多一下下，不过答应我你一定要记得起来因为我们在等你。

新年快乐!

new clothes,
lotsa good foodies,
yummy steamboat,
gathering with friends/ relatives
and of course the most important ANG BAOS!!!

muahahahaha

a blessed and prosperous chinese new year to all my dearest.. :)
let's us HUAT TOGETHER YEA!!!

with random people im shy, with my friends i'm crazy!!

someone created a fan page for "with random people im shy, with my friends i'm crazy!!" on facebook

and yes i of course i request to be a fan for that laaah!! haha.. this is so true. often i find it hard to open up to people that i dont know and feel uncomfortable hanging out with them. feel weird without my usual crazy khakis around to go crazy with me. and sometimes i really sian when i happen to bump into random people that i know at work. cause i will need to start a conversation with him/ her!! and i always worried about "what if we got nothing to say?" "what if what i say sounds stupid to him/ her?"

there are times when i started to panic and think of what should i do to avoid that awkwardness! and it's tiring to keep thinking about what to say but my job requires me to be really 'bubbly' and open as i'm always meeting volunteers and it's my job to 'entertain' them when there are here. it's really tiring...

if i dont talk much to you on the first time or remain very quiet or ACT very cool.. is not i dao or what. just that im not ready to open up to you yet!! but when i start to do crazy stuff and talk nonsense with you... i think that's the time when im slowly turning into HUMAN!! hahahah aiyaaa i really find it hard to be myself when im with random people. after all not everyone can accept my way right?

anyway.. it's a meaningless entry.. just ranting as usual..